My March Pandora documentation of usage said I listened to 4,230 minutes of music, most of which I confess was Boy Band ballads. I sang, cried and danced to the poetic, saccharine, getting in the mood music. I have listened to hours of Boy Band tunes from Westlife, New Kids, Savage Garden, O-town, Back Street Boys, Boyzone, N-Sync, 98 Degrees, All-4-One, New Edition, On Direction, Savage Garden, to name a few.

Critics may say this is not music, not art even. Additionally, they may claim it is rhyme-driven, and characterized by superficial, fantasy prone lyrics lost in an immature definition of what love and romance may mean –I can admit there is truth there, but the lyrics also speak to being human. We have innate needs to connect with one another. We live estranged from each other in our fast-paced, e-lives. We text, tweet, email and fumble in face-to-face communications. We write words we dare not utter, and we guess at intent, tone, and nuance, and we are lonely, seeking, wanting.

Despite years of singing in the church choir as a young person, I cannot sing, but I can belt out an off-key bold, brassy rendition. I sang, loudly with the volume on the speakers so loud, when my neighbor Dave knocked, I did not hear him and only responded when he opened the door and peeked his head in. My tears were a response to the sentiments of love and belonging and what that means to each of us searching for the one who accepts and embraces all that we are. I danced to slow-drag tempos, imagining he was skillfully leading me across the tiled kitchen floor. I danced to upbeat tempos until I was tired and sweaty and filled with satisfaction – I was burning calories. In dances past, my mop has often served as substitute for the twists, dips, and turns on my kitchen dance floor.

Music, the international language, needs no interpretation and has the potential to cross boundaries, unite people, and change mood. Music is mood, music creates mood, changes mood, and music is foreplay. Boy bands sing words and verse that can set the mood for getting down, getting it on, or making it.

        I will do anything girl, you need only ask

        I’ll make love to you

        Like you want me to

        And I’ll hold you tight

        Baby all through the night … (I’ll Make Love to You -Boyz II Men)

Hold onto that vision.

If it is still true, men play at love for sex and women play at sex for love, boy bands could resolve those opposing strategies. Close your eyes, imagine. You have worked all day, made it through the commute, and want nothing but to be able to take your shoes off, sit, transition, get a bite to eat and prepare for the next day before it is 11 p.m. You open the door and hear …

         Girl [Boy] relax, let’s go slow

         I ain’t got nowhere to go

         I’m just gonna concentrate on you

        Girl [Boy] are you ready, it’s gonna be a long night

       … (I’ll Make Love to You – Boyz II Men)

And your partner opens their arms and pulls you close as you sway together. Your troubles are forgotten, home is in their arms – and you know it. You would be getting jiggy with it. If the average song is 3 odd minutes and coitus an average of 5.4 minutes, in terms of a commitment of time, it is a win-win for all. And the benefits are greater…

Do you remember the last time you danced with your partner? When do we dance, at weddings? Dancing gets you in another’s bizness. You inhale their essence, feel their skin, soft and fleshy (speaking of myself); you gaze into their eyes, see into their soul – or perhaps simply see them without the distraction of the blue haze of your phone. Did you remember her/his freckles, or the crow’s feet when s/he smiles that makes him/her look like their dad or the dimple that sneaks up when s/he gives that closed mouth look of satisfaction? Take a look, when is the last time you saw him/her and appreciated the love reflected in their eyes? Dancing makes that possible.

Consider the additional benefits of exercise, burning calories and staying healthy. Perhaps dancing to an upbeat song, getting a little tired, and working up a little sweat you will have spiked your metabolism having shaken your groove thang to something like,

       Yeah!

       Oh yeah! Ooh, ooh yeah!

       Feels good, feels good, oh huh!

       Just got paid, it’s Friday night

       Party huntin’, feelin’ right

     Body shakin’ all around (Body shakin’ all around)

     No one thinks when I’m getting’ down … (Just Got Paid – Johnny Kemp)

Lyrics, sugary, tooth hurting, and sickly sweet lead us into the next verse in sing-song rhyme, but these words capture the mood, and they tell a story. Lyrics can show the anatomy of a relationship – you’ve met, and now there is something going on between the two of you…

         So hear me, loneliness

         I’m givin’ up on you

         I don’t need you anymore

         I ‘ve found what I’ve been looking for … (Someone to Love – Shayne Ward)

These words describe the search, looking for the person who doesn’t complete us, but compliments and makes us better versions of ourselves. The relationship builds, Step by Step, as the New Kids on the Block sang, making intentions known …

         Step by step

         Ooh baby

         Gonna’ get to you girl

         Step by step

         Ooh baby

         Really want you in my world …   (Step By Step – New Kids On The Block)

Time passes and the relationship deepens, you have made a commitment. No person can be your everything but the feelings of finding your rock, the one who embraces you just where you are without judgment is magic.

           You are my everything

           Nothing your love won’t bring

           My life is yours alone

           The only love I’ve ever known

           Your spirit pulls me through

           When nothing else will do

          Every night I pray

          On bended knee

         That you will always be

         My everything … (My Everything – 98 Degrees)

The relationship has faced challenges, and perhaps you decide some time apart will help. The imagery of the setting sun communicates endings and loss.

         Of all we’ve said and done

         Remains the memories of days

        When life was fun

        But now when you are gone

        I sit alone to watch the setting of the sun

        Feels like I’m walking in the rain… (Walking in The Rain – A1)

Misunderstanding and awakening tell the tale in Rascal Flatts, What Hurts the Most, sung with the pain of trying and failing to understand and be understood …

         What hurts the most was being so close

         And having so much to say

        And watching you walk away

       And never knowing what could’ve been

       And not seein’ that loving you

       Is what I was trying to do

The relationship has ended, many songs that tell of the permanent break up, the crushing final ending, the struggle to accept, and move forward…

      I know when he’s been on your mind

     That distant look is in your eyes

     It thought with time you’d realize

     It’s over, over…  (All or Nothing – O-Town)

Quite enchanted with Westlife, Flying Without Wings speaks to finding what fills you up, whatever that may be. In the end, the struggle is about finding yourself, recognizing your gifts, embracing all that you are and making peace. Our journeys are as unique as snowflakes, and ours to tread, blaze and discover.

         Everybody’s looking for that something

         One thing that makes it all complete

         You’ll find it in the strangest places

        Places you never knew it could be

       Some find it in the face of their children

       Some find it in their lover’s eyes

       Who can deny the joy it brings

       When you’ve found that special thing

       You’re flying without wings

Dance, sing, light your house on fire, and remember a time when love was all we needed. As Marvin Gaye sang, Let’s Get It On!